Forward Thinking

Q: I am in a relationship with a man who I really care about. We both go to church and he seems to love the Lord as much as I do. The problem is I took a vow to stop sleeping with men until I'm married. I really believe this is God's will. But my boyfriend doesn't agree. He says we're not young kids and we're already past being virgins, so it doesn't really matter. And this is something God will forgive because basically nobody in the church is celibate anymore because God knows our urges. In some ways I know he's right. Most singles in church do sleep with their significant others and don't see anything wrong as long as it's only one mate at a time and they aren't sleeping around. As for me, I'm wondering if I'm holding onto this in vain. I think my boyfriend will leave soon if we don't take it to the next level, and I truly believe he is the one God sent to be my husband... What do you think?
- Anonymous

A: Thanks so much for sharing your dilemma! Your story is a scenario that many other Christian women face—and likely some men, too. Please know that your feelings and convictions should be respected by the man in your life, especially one who claims to love God. Do not feel pressured to forsake a promise that you made to yourself and to God simply to fulfill someone else’s desires. When we live to please others, we often wind up shortchanging ourselves. In this case, breaking your vow could very likely lead to feelings of regret and shame. Biblically speaking, the Word refers to “fornication” or “sexual immorality” on several occasions: 2 Cor. 12:21, Gal. 5:19, Eph. 5:3, and Col. 3:5. Celibacy can be a tough road for singles in today’s society—believe me, I know! The key is to put our faith and trust in God, believing that His plans are better than your own. As for your boyfriend being God-sent, why would God send someone to be a stumbling block, someone who contradicts His Word and His will for you? Think about that… I am not saying that you must leave your boyfriend. That is your decision to make. But I am encouraging you to stay true to your convictions and the promise you made to God. If your boyfriend leaves, or you decide to end the relationship, know that God has a different plan for you, one that is greater than any you could imagine. Believe and rest in that.
- Sharon